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  3. 8 Ways to Cope with Your Mum Like most big projects, learning to manage your mother is best tacked in smaller stages. Here

8 Ways to Cope with Your Mum Like most big projects, learning to manage your mother is best tacked in smaller stages. Here

admin2010-03-26  48
问题                       8 Ways to Cope with Your Mum
    Like most big projects, learning to manage your mother is best tacked in smaller stages. Here are what I believe the eight best steps towards a better relationship with her. They are not necessarily surprising or revolutionary, but they have worked for many people. Try them.
    Remember Your Mother’s Age
    As children, we often do not think of our mother as having an age. Even when we become conscious of her as an individual, age does not alter our view; she is still, primarily, our mother. Becoming aware of our mother’s age, not just in number of years but in terms of her psychological and physical state, often helps us to understand her better.
    Even if our mother is relatively young--perhaps only in their thirties--she grew up a generation earlier than we. She has probably lived her formative years (性格形成期) in a social environment in which attitudes towards matters such as divorce, abortion, higher education, unemployment and working mothers were different from those we have experienced. Her values may seem dated, but all the influences she had from her parents and peers have had an impact on the way she evolved as a person. It is unreasonable to expect her to change totally from the way she was brought up.
    Listen to Your Mother
    As we grow up, what our mother has told us often sounds not sophisticated enough for theworld we live in today. Yet I have found that sometimes the things my mother told me long ago are remarkably useful. So if your mother is still offering maxims (哲理) for your life, try to resist the temptation to reject them automatically.
    Of course, she will sometimes tell you things with which you disagree, but if you can listen with an open mind you will encourage her to open up to you more fully. If your mother knows that you respect her point of view, even if you do not share it, it will help her feel close to you.
    Remember That Your Mother Has a Past
    A key step in managing our relationship with our mother is to find out about her early life.
    Sometimes, in learning about our mother’s past, we can construct her story by piecing together what we learn about her upbringing (成长)and her memories, and then, into this vision, placing our own observations of her. This encourages us to think about her life as her experience rather than as a mere recounting of events.
    Ask Your Mother Simply and Directly How You Can Make Her Life Better
    When I was 15 my mother was dying of cancer. I was aware that she was ill, but not know how seriously. That year I was determined to give her the best possible time for her birthday. I bought her a beautiful red dress and announced that I was going to take her out on the town, drive her up and down to see the sights and then to go see a film. But the driving made her feel sick, and finally she said, "Honey, I don’t think I want to go to the movies after all. But I’ve had just the best time coming out with you." It was her last birthday. She died the following year.
    This memory is painful for me, because in trying to Do the right thing, I got wrong: I did not ask her what she wanted, but just did what I thought was best. I was young, but even when were adults many of us remain trapped in childlike (and self-centered) conception of what our mother wants.
    Ask Your Mother About Your Childhood History
    Understanding your roots can help you know more clearly who you are, as part of a family which you share with your mother.
    My husband and I made a "roots" journey to Arizona so that he could meet my 96-year-old Aunt Flossie before she died. Talking to her, we puzzled over why six children in the family had produced only two grandchildren--a question I had never before thought to ask. She said, "Oh, that’s easy--my father (who was born in the 1800s) was an only child. I always thought there was probably some inherited problem." I have always assumed that my aunts and uncles had chosen not to bear children--it had never entered my mind that there could be genetic factor. This is something I would never have known if we had not asked, but as soon as I heard it, I felt a sense of knowing more about my family, and hence about my mother and myself.
    Get to Know Your Mother’s Extended Family
    Discovering a link to your mother through her chain of friends provides a perspective thatcan help you understand her better. Colin Powell found that some of the influences his mother had on him were because of her like-minded friends and relatives.
"There was always a lot of laughter in the house," he told me. "We had not only cousins, aunts and uncleS, but my mother’s friends who were always passing through our house. I got my sense of humor from my mother, but these other people were a part of her world. It was just a joy when they drifted in. I think that people miss out so much when they don’t have this extended kinship(亲戚朋友关系)."
    Decide What Personality Traits You Share with Your Mother
    Most of us have mixed feelings about taking after our mother. We might feel friend about it if we are considering her more laudable (值得称赞的) qualities. But often we felt compelled to reject the idea that we share those characteristics we do not admire. Of course, we often do take after her, either because we have inherited some predisposition (秉性) biologically, or because our mother’s shaping of us in childhood and our years of observing her as a role model have led to our becoming very like her. Accepting what we have inherited is an important part of accepting ourselves for who we are. Recognizing the less attractive qualities we share keeps us close to our mothers, like partners in crime. So face up to what you have in common--good and bad.
    Remember That Managing Your Mother Is Really About Managing Yourself
    Underlying any approach to managing our mother is the issue of how we manage ourselves. No matter how difficult we find her, it is important to remember that is not her behavior itself that is causing us distress, but the way we feel about her behavior. At the heart of managing your mother is being able to accept your flawed self. Only then are you able to accept your mother-- with all her failings.
Our mother grew up ______ than we.
选项
答案a generation earlier
解析 根据Remember your mother’s age部分第二段。
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