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  3. Rivals No More —How to help siblings(兄弟,姐妹)become pals "I didn’t start it. She hit me first." "He ruine

Rivals No More —How to help siblings(兄弟,姐妹)become pals "I didn’t start it. She hit me first." "He ruine

admin2010-10-14  32
问题                            Rivals No More
                     —How to help siblings(兄弟,姐妹)become pals
    "I didn’t start it. She hit me first." "He ruined my new Play-Station game. Can’t he leave my stuff alone?" "Why do I have to give way to him all the time? It’s not fair!"
    Sound familiar? If you’ve got two or more children, you probably know how intense and hurtful sibling rivalry can be—over the most trivial of things. "In our house, sometimes there is a quarrel over who gets to roller-skate down the driveway first," says Pat Weston, a mother of four. Resolving the conflicts, however, is far from a trivial matter. These early conflicts with siblings affect self-confidence and self-reliance, future friendships and family harmony, according to experts. Even the ways adults handle problems can refer back to early battles with a brother or sister.
    As a parent or guardian, how do you play up warmth, sharing and cooperation—while under standing feelings of jealousy, anger and aggression? Try these tips for peace.
    See the big picture. Too often grown-ups step in at the "shriek stage" of a conflict, says parent educator and author Elizabeth Crary. "So they miss the whole picture." The child who creates commotion(骚乱)with a hostile act, such as hitting, may actually be the victim of repeated offensive actions from a sneakier sibling. "When a parent understands what is really going on, she can help both children," Crary explains.
    Observing your kids also allows for lots of opportunities to encourage instances of their good behavior: "I like the way you let your brother look at your baseball cards."
     Focus on feelings. When they’re angry, children are too nervous and confused to process in formation correctly. Crary advises working between crises to teach calm-down techniques—how to breathe deeply or shake out the "marls," for example. When everyone is less angry, try helping your kids to identify and express their underlying emotions, and listen sensitively to each one’s side.
    At first, especially with very young children, you may need to do some prompting. For example: "I can see you’re sad that your sister doesn’t feel like sharing her crayons right now." or, "You seem upset that Mummy spends so much time feeding the baby." When kids learn that their feelings will be respected, they often become more considerate of others.
    Rely on rules. In the Di Micele kitchen, the walls are devoted to the children’s artwork, all on the theme of getting along. With three boys under age six, parents Sabrina and Eric make a special effort to explain and reinforce the rules for harmony. "Still," Sabrina admits, "it’s hard. We all have to work on this."
    It takes time and patience, but rules do reduce conflict. "Children understand rules and want boundaries," says Hildy Ross, professor of psychology at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada. "Without them, issues don’t get resolved."
    Ross found that parents actually enforce their rules inconsistently, only about half the time. During busy periods, perhaps they do not follow through, or even forget the rules they created. Aggressive acts by kids generate more notice than violations against property—taking a toy, or not sharing, for instance. "But property and individual rights are important to kids, and so is consistency," says Ross.
    A possession a child prizes should be protected to limit confrontations. Privacy and personal space deserve protection too. And to avoid remote-control fights, be clear about the schedule for TV, video or computer games. A timer or calendar can prevent countless "It’s my turn!" quarrels.
    Let kids own the answer. When establishing rules or handling conflicts, help children find solutions on their own. A three-step plan is a good idea. First, define the issue: "What are you fighting over?" Next, promote understanding by asking each child to repeat the other’s point of view: "What did your brother say about playing with his Lego toys?" Finally, see if the kids can brainstorm a solution.
    Working together, the Di Miceli boys decided to watch "Sesame Street" on the big family television. If oldest brother Chase got bored, he could watch cartoons on the TV set upstairs. Chase also exchanged computer time. He gets to use the Playhouse Disney games before school, and four-year-old Grayson takes his turn in the afternoon. "Children are more thoughtful, creative and agreeable when they have so-so in solving their problems," Ross explains.
    Model good behavior. Mum is typically the referee(裁判员)in disputes, but according to one study,  Dad’s positive influence has more weight when it comes to cooperation. "Affectionate fathers who showed how to share and take turns taught children a style of interaction that in creased cooperation," states Brenda Volling, associate professor of psychology at the University of Michigan.
    Parents can create teachable moments by playing family board games that promote cooperation. Or they can set the stage for pretend play that allows each child to have an exciting role.("Your sister wants to be a police officer, so how about if you become a firefighter?")
    Kids are highly motivated to have close, loving relationships within the family, say the experts. And cooperation with one another spirals(盘旋移动)outwards in their lives, attracting friends who appreciate their skills. Says Volling, "Showing kids how to express their feelings, compromise and have fun together is a lifelong gift." Those early sibling bonds really do mean a lot.
Sibling rivalry even over the most trivial of things can be ______.
选项
答案intense and hurtful
解析 空白处可以是名词、形容词或动词的分词形式。从原文可以看出，答案应该是intense and hurtful。
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