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马先生起身出来,因略歇了一歇脚,就又往上走。过这一条街,上面无房子了,是一个极高的山冈。一步步上去走到山冈上,左边望着钱塘江,明明白白。那日江上无风,水平如镜,过江的船,船上有轿子(sedan-chair),都看得明白。再走上些,右边又看得见西湖、雷峰 (
马先生起身出来,因略歇了一歇脚,就又往上走。过这一条街,上面无房子了,是一个极高的山冈。一步步上去走到山冈上,左边望着钱塘江,明明白白。那日江上无风,水平如镜,过江的船,船上有轿子(sedan-chair),都看得明白。再走上些,右边又看得见西湖、雷峰 (
admin
2013-10-08
25
问题
马先生起身出来,因略歇了一歇脚,就又往上走。过这一条街,上面无房子了,是一个极高的山冈。一步步上去走到山冈上,左边望着钱塘江,明明白白。那日江上无风,水平如镜,过江的船,船上有轿子(sedan-chair),都看得明白。再走上些,右边又看得见西湖、雷峰 (塔)一带,湖心亭都望见。那西湖里打渔船,一个一个,如小鸭子浮在水面。马二先生心旷神怡,只管走了上去,又看见一个大庙门前摆着茶桌子卖茶。马二先生两脚酸了,且坐吃茶。吃着,两边一望,一边是江,一边是湖,又有那山色一转围着,又遥见隔江的山,高高低低,忽隐忽现。吃了两碗茶,肚里正饿,思量要回去路上吃饭,恰好一个乡里人捧着许多烫面薄饼(pancakes)来卖,又一篮子煮熟的牛肉,马二先生大喜,买了几十文(钱的)饼和牛肉,就在茶桌子上尽兴一吃。吃得饱了,自思趁着饱再上去。
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答案
Then Ma Chun-shang got up and went out; and because he had rested his legs he walked on up the mountain. There were no more houses now, for the road had become very steep; but Ma Chun-shang climbed a peak from which he could see Chentang River clearly beneath him to the left. There was no breeze that day, so the water was smooth as a mirror; and you could see the passing boats quite distinctly and even the sedan-chairs on the boats. He walked on until he saw the West Lake on his right and was able to make out Thunder Peak Pagoda and the Pavilion of the Lake’s heart, so well as the fishing boats which looked like tiny ducks floating on the water. Then, refreshed in spirit, he walked on. He came to another big temple. With tables before it at which tea was served, and since his legs were tired, he sat down again. As he sipped his tea he gazed at the river on one side, the lake nestling among hills on the other, and on the far side of the river the blurred outline of distant mountains, some high and some low. After two more bowls of tea he felt hungry and decided to start back, stopping for a meal on the way. Just then a countryman came up carrying pancakes and a basket of boiled beef. This was a welcome sight and Ma Chun-shang bought several dozen coppers’ worth of pancakes and beef, making a hearty meal of them at the table. His hunger satisfied, he decided to press on.
解析
这是一篇文字非常简单的材料。正因为其中的词汇障碍比较小,因此,重点主要是考查句子安排的能力。译文是名家所译,在这点上尤其精彩。比如“那日江上无风,水平如镜,过江的船,船上有轿子,都看得明白”,译成两重意思,从“水平如镜”后断开,然后又把“船上有轿子”的动词化为并列宾语,用“even”表达原文的意思,都是很精当的译法:层次分明,读来流畅,原文信息也没有遗漏。再比如,“那西湖里的打渔船,一个一个,如小鸭子浮在水面”中的“一个一个”同学们很可能会跳不出来,老老实实地译作“one by one”或“one after another”,表面上是对等的,但实际上却相去甚远;而译文中这个短语却没有出现,细看下去,发现其实已经化到句型里了,即“make out…so well as…”,“一个一个”不正是很远但却非常清楚的意思?又如,“……思量要回去路上吃饭,恰好一个乡里人捧着许多烫面薄饼来卖……”,这个长句容易犯错误的地方在于两个小句子的衔接问题,有些同学把第二个小句的主要动词定为“捧着”,译作:“just at that time a country folk carried many pancakes to sell”,意思都包含进来了,但却显得很突兀,怎么就会突然有个人出现了,还捧着些东西?行文就不是那么自然;参考译文把“来”作为主要动词,就显得自然多了,说明是先看到这个人走来,然后发现正好还带着些吃的来卖。读起来轻松许多,也比较自然。还有,“买了几十文(钱的)饼和牛肉”,这句话中的“几十文”不太好办,所以同学们的注意力大多放到这个词组上,结果想到了译法之后,便不自主地把它当成了句子的中心所在,比如“…spent dozens of coins on…”,似乎马二先生非常在乎钱一样,和原文意思不合。
参考译文的用词也值得学习,虽简单但是却很符合各个场景,即便是同一个汉字译出来也各异,比如文中有三个表示“上去”的词组,“因略歇了一歇脚,就又往上走”,“一步步上去走到山冈上”和“自思趁着饱再上去”,分别译为“walked on up the mountain”,“climbed”和“press on”,都和使用的场合相符。
但是也有一些地方的处理方法不适宜于初学翻译的同学们效仿。比如原文第一句中的许多东西被删节,这是因为上文已有交代,便略去不赘述了。再比如,为了方便读者,译者把原文分成了好几个段落,初学翻译者往往还把握不好分段的技巧,因此应该尽量按照原文的结构来翻译。
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