首页
外语
计算机
考研
公务员
职业资格
财经
工程
司法
医学
专升本
自考
实用职业技能
登录
外语
The Art of Friendship Making Friends in Midlife One evening a few years ago I found myself in an anxiety. Nothing was reall
The Art of Friendship Making Friends in Midlife One evening a few years ago I found myself in an anxiety. Nothing was reall
admin
2012-06-20
32
问题
The Art of Friendship
Making Friends in Midlife
One evening a few years ago I found myself in an anxiety. Nothing was really wrong — my family and I were healthy, my career was busy and successful — I was just feeling vaguely down and in need of a friend who could raise my spirits, meet me for coffee and let me rant until the clouds lifted.
I dialed my best friend, who now lives across the country in California, and got her voice mail. That’s when it started to dawn on me — lonesomeness was at the root of my dreariness. My social life had dwindled (缩小) to almost nothing, but somehow until that moment I’d been too busy to notice. Now it hit me hard. My old friends, buddies since college or even childhood, knew everything about me; when they left, they had taken my context with them.
Research has shown the long-range negative consequences of social isolation on one’s health. But my concerns were more short-term. I needed to feel understood right then in the way that only a girl friend can understand you. I knew it would be wrong to expect my husband to replace my friends: He couldn’t, and even if he could, to whom would I then complain about my husband?
So I resolved to acquire new friends — women like me who had kids and enjoyed rolling their eyes at the world a little bit just as I did. Since I’d be making friends with more intention than I’d ever given the process, I realized I could be selective, that I could in effect design my own social life. The downside, of course, was that I felt pretty frightened.
After all, it’s a whole lot harder to make friends in midlife than it is when you’re younger — a fact women I’ve spoken with point out again and again. As Leslie Danzig, 41, a Chicago theater director and mother, sees it, when you’re in your teens and 20s, you’re more or less friends with everyone unless there’s a reason not to be. Your college roommate becomes your best pal at least partly due to proximity. Now there needs to be a reason to be friends. "There are many people I’m comfortable around, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call them friends. Comfort isn’t enough to sustain a real friendship," Danzig says.
At first, finding new companions felt awkward. At 40 I couldn’t run up to people the way my 4-year-old daughters do in the playground and ask, "Will you be my friend?" "Every time you start a new relationship, you’re vulnerable again," agrees Kathleen Hall, DMin, founder and CEO of the Stress Institute, in Atlanta.
Fortunately, my discomfort soon passed. I realized that as a mature friend seeker my vulnerability risk was actually pretty low. If someone didn’t take me up on my offer, so what: I wasn’t in junior high, when I might have been rejected for having the wrong clothes or hair. At my age I have collected enough self-esteem to realize that I have plenty to offer.
Friends That Make You a Better You
We’re all so busy, in fact, that mutual interests — say, in a project, class, or cause that we already make time for — become the perfect catalysts for bringing us in contact with candidates for comradeship. Michelle Mertes, 35, a teacher and mother of two in Wausau, Wisconsin, says a new friend she made at church came as a pleasant surprise. "In high school I chose friends based on their popularity and how being part of their circle might reflect on me. Now it’s our shared values and activities that count." Mertes says her pal, with whom she organized the church’s youth programs, is nothing like her but their drive and organizational skills make them ideal friends.
Happily, as awkward as making new friends can be, self-esteem issues do not factor in — or if they do, you can easily put them into perspective. Danzig tells of the mother of a child in her son’s preschool, a tall, beautiful woman who is married to a big-deal rock musician. "I said to my husband, ’she’s too cool for me,’" she jokes. "I get threat from people. But once I got to know her, she turned out to be pretty laid-back and friendly." In the end there was no chemistry between them, so they didn’t become good pals. "I realized that we weren’t each other’s type, but it wasn’t about hierarchy." What midlife friendship is about, it seems, is reflecting the person you’ve become (or are still becoming) back at yourself, thus reinforcing the progress you’ve made in your life.
Harlene Katzman, 41, a lawyer in New York City, notes that her oldest friends knew her back when she was less sure of herself. As much as she loves them, she believes they sometimes respond to issues in light of who she once was. An old chum has the goods on you. With recently made friends, you can turn over a new leaf.
A new friend, chosen right, can also help you point your boat in the direction you want to go. Hanna Dershowitz, 39, an attorney and mother in Los Angeles, found that a new acquaintance from work was exactly what she needed in a friend. In addition to liking and respecting Julia, Dershowitz had a feeling that the fit and athletic younger woman would help her to get in shape.
Be a Better Friend
While you’re busy making new friends, remember that you still need to nurture your old ones. We asked Maria Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You ’re Not a Kid Anymore, for the best ways to maintain these important relationships.
Keep in touch. Your friends should be a priority; schedule regular lunch dates or coffee catch-up sessions, no matter how busy you are.
Know her business. Keep track of important events in a friend’s life and show your support. Call or e-mail to let her know you’re thinking of her.
Speak your mind. Tell a friend (politely) if something she did really upset you. If you can’t be totally honest, then you need to reexamine the relationship.
Accept her flaws. No one is perfect, so work around her quirks (怪癖) to cut down on frustration and fights.
Boost her ego. Heartfelt compliments make everyone feel great, so tell her how much you love her new sweater or what a great job she did on a work project.
According to Kathleen Hall, how did one feel in the first course of making new friends in midlife?
选项
A、Excited.
B、Sensitive.
C、Awful.
D、Confident.
答案
B
解析
该句提到,“每次建立一种新关系,你就会又变得脆弱了”,Kathleen Hall赞同这一看法。由此可知,Kathleen Hall认为建立一种新关系的过程中,人就会变得vulnerable(脆弱),[B]Sensitive与vulnerable对应,故答案为[B]。[C]Awful“糟透了的”是针对作者在该段首句提到awkward“尴尬”设的干扰项。
转载请注明原文地址:https://kaotiyun.com/show/uuf7777K
0
大学英语四级
相关试题推荐
A、Playingthepiano.B、Makingaphotocopy.C、Typing.D、Takingapicture.B
Americantravelersplantotake10millionmoretripsthissummerthanlast,despiteincreasesinhotelrates,airfare,car-rent
Spittinginpublichasbecomesociallyreprehensible-andevencriminal--inmanypartsofChinaaspublichealthauthorities
A、Alevel.B、GCSE.C、GRED、IELTSB细节考核题。考生应抓住examistakenattheageof16,再结合文章听力。在听到有关16岁的时候都用笔把出现的单词简单记录下来。GCSE是英国中学生升学考试。A
A、getenoughentertainmentB、havemoreactivitiesC、receiveearlyeducationD、haveregularcheckupsB专家认为两岁以下的孩子不能看任何电视,他们应该有更多
A、Thewomanwillrecordtonight’sprogram.B、Hewillbehavingameetingwithhisbossatthattime.C、Hisbossmightaskhimt
A、Mostpeoplepassedthestoneasifnothinghadhappened.B、Mostpeopledidnothingbutcomplain.C、Mostpeopletriedlomovet
A、Thevariousmeansofsurvivaltaughtbyparents.B、Theimportanceofhistoryinstructioninschools.C、Thedifferentskillsta
Acollegeeducationisaninvestmentinthefuture.Butitcanbea【S1】______one.TheCollegeBoard【S2】______thatthecostsata
A、Thebenefitsofstrongbusinesscompetition.B、Aproposaltolowerthecostofproduction.C、Complaintsabouttheexpenseofm
随机试题
A.CA125B.cTnC.糖链抗原19-9D.AFPE.CEA对卵巢恶性生殖细胞肿瘤有较高诊断价值()
以下对基础代谢的解释错误的是()。
[2013真题·单选(选做)]利用敷设在气流通道内的多孔吸声材料来吸收声能,具备良好的中高频消声性能的消声器是()。
一般资料:求助者,女,22岁,大三学生。案例介绍:求助者两个月前和最好的朋友吵架了,吵得很凶,然后两人就不说话了,但是求助者事后又觉得自己错了,可是道歉又觉得没面子,所以就一直没和好朋友道歉。但是过了没多久,发现好朋友身边又多了一个女生,经常和她
阅读、写作、运算等属于智力技能范畴。()
(2016·河北)“外行看热闹,内行看门道"体现的是知觉的理解性。()
①盛唐以来,纹饰大量借鉴金属器皿、各种织物等图案,使瓷器的装饰意味更浓②传统细瓷早已形成一整套美化装饰的方式方法,不管是刻花、剔花,还是贴花、印花③中国瓷器享誉世界,也在于它是科学技术与民间工艺美术技法完美结合的产物④早期的纹
在人民解放军转入战略进攻之后。为了维护广大人民的利益,进一步激发他们支援解放战争的积极性,1947年7月至9月,中国共产党在河北省平山县召开全国土地会议,制定和通过了《中国土地法大纲》,明确规定()
建立Delphi程序的基本操作步骤中不包括
Peopleborrowandreadbooksthere.Peoplegrowplantsthere.
最新回复
(
0
)