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  3. All couples have problems and disagreements，so it’s critical that they learn how tocommunicate about them in a way that will be

All couples have problems and disagreements，so it’s critical that they learn how tocommunicate about them in a way that will be

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问题 All couples have problems and disagreements，so it’s critical that they learn how tocommunicate about them in a way that will be helpful instead of making them worse．I do notbelieve that prescribing specific techniques for communicating is as helpful as focusing on the coreattitudes behind the communication．My thoughts on effectively communicating about ANY difficultissue are in keeping with the ideas I used in the“assertiveness training”I did back in the 70s．
What I learned was that I could tell people the“correct”words to use and“correct”body language．et@C@to be“assertive”--but none of it worked unless it eame from“inside”the person．
In other words，your ability to communicate has more to do with your attitudes and beliefsabout your“right to know”and the degree of“equality”in the relationship，or lack there of and thedegree of“caring”involved between the two people than in whatever actual words or techniquesyou use．All these things are FAR more important than the“skills”．You can“t just”put on theskills like a coat  and have them work．As I said，the words need to come as an outgrowth Of anattitude of genuinely wanting to effectively work on whatever problem is being discusse@D@
Another similarity between learning how to effectively discuss a problem and how people learnto talk in an assertive manner is that even if you say everything“just right”(in accordance with theguidelines for using good communication skills)，there is no guarantee that the other person willreceive it in the way it is intende@D@For instance，with assertiveness，someone could perfectlyexecute an“assertive”conversation and still have it be interpreted as being“aggressive”．
One way of determining the specific words that are more likely to be effective is to think interms of the“ego states”as defined by transactional analysis：“parent,adult,and child”．You’llhave more likelihood of success by approaching the discussion from an“adult”．problem-solvingway of talking．while avoiding using the“judgmental”words of a“parent”or the“hurt feelings”words of a“child”．The bottom line is that you don’t need specific communication skills so muchas you need to approach any conversation with a certain attitude：that the clear goal is to“improvethe relationship“rather than to just”criticize“and／or”change”the other person．With that spirit，you have a better chance of success；without it，all the communication skills in the world won’t beenough．
According to the author，“assertiveness”______．
选项 A、refers to specific techniques for communicating
B、means“using the language correctly and moving the body gracefully”
C、makes the problems and disagreements between couples even worse
D、does not work if it does not come as an outgrowth of a genuine attitude
答案D
解析 细节题。关键词是assertiveness，根据第一段最后一句话“but noneof…”，意思是“如果不是发自内心的情感。则这些assertiveness的方法都不会奏效”。选项D的意思是“如果不是真诚的态度的流露，则‘肯定’也不会起作用”，与原文相符，只是采用了同义词语替换，换了一种说法，故正确答案为D。A项的意思是“assertive是指沟通的特别技巧(specific techniques)”，但根据第一段内容，作者强调core attitudes behind the communication(assertiveness)，与specific techniques相对而言的，故两者不是等同概念；B项的意思是“使用语言要正确无误，并且身体动作要优雅”,这是对原文的“use the correct words and correct bodyLanguage”(使用正确的字眼和身势语言)的错误理解；根据第一段，assertiveness有助于互相沟通和消除冲突，而不是使之更加严重，故此C项的意思恰与之相悖。
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