首页
外语
计算机
考研
公务员
职业资格
财经
工程
司法
医学
专升本
自考
实用职业技能
登录
外语
How to Deal with Difficult People In New York one day, a businesswoman got into a taxi. Because it was rush hour and she was
How to Deal with Difficult People In New York one day, a businesswoman got into a taxi. Because it was rush hour and she was
admin
2010-04-12
26
问题
How to Deal with Difficult People
In New York one day, a businesswoman got into a taxi. Because it was rush hour and she was hurrying for a train, she suggested a route. "I have been a cabby for 15 years !" the driver yelled. "You think I don’t know the best way to go?"
The woman tried to explain that she hadn’t meant to offend him, but the driver kept on yelling. She finally realized he was too upset to be reasonable. So she did the unexpected. "You know, you are fight," she told him. "It must seem dumb for me to assure you don’t know the best way through the city."
Taken aback, the driver flashed his rider a confused look in the rear view mirror, turned down the street she wanted and got her to the train on time. "He didn’t say another word the rest of the fide," she said, "until I got out and paid him. Then he thanked me."
When you encounter people like this cab driver, there’s an irresistible (不可抗拒的) urge to lose your temper. This can lead to prolonged argument, soured friendship, lost career opportunities and broken marriage. As a clinical psychiatrist, I’ve discovered one simple but extremely likely principle that can prevent virtually any conflict or other difficult situation from becoming a recipe for disaster.
The key is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and look for the truth in what that person is saying. Find a way to agree. The result may surprise you.
Sulkers
Steve’s 14-year-old son, Adam, had been irritable for several days. When Steve asked why, Adam snapped, "Nothing’s wrong! Leave me alone!" and stalked off to his room.
We all know people like this. When there’s a problem, they may sulk (生闷气) or act angry and refuse to talk. Maybe the boy is worried about something that happened at school. or he may be angry with his dad but afraid to bring it up because Steve gets defensive whenever he is criticized. Steve can pursue these possibilities the next time they talk by saying "I noticed you’ve upset, and I think it would help to get the problem out in the open. It may be hard because I haven’t always listened very well. If so, I feel bad because I love you and don’t want to let you down." If Adam still refuses to talk, Steve can take a different tack: "I’m concerned about what’s going, on with you, but we can talk things over later, when you’re more in the mood." This strategy allows both sides to win: Steve doesn’t have to compromise on the principle that ultimately the problem needs to talked about and resolved. Adam saves face by being allowed to withdraw for a while.
Noisy Critics
Recently, I was counseling a businessman named Frank who tends to be overbearing when he’s upset. Frank told me that I was too preoccupied with money and he shouldn’t have to pay at each of our sessions. He wanted to be billed monthly.
I felt annoyed because it seemed Frank always had to have things his way. I explained that I had tried monthly billing, but it hadn’t worked because some patients didn’t pay. Frank argued that he had impeccable (没有缺点) credit and knew much more about credit and billing than I did.
Suddenly, I realized I was missing Frank’s point. "You’re right," I said. "I’m being defensive We should focus on the problem in your life and not worry so much about money." Frank immediately softened and began talking about what was really bothering him, which were some personal problems. The next time we met, he handed me a check for 20 sessions in advance.
There are times, of course, when people are unreasonably abusive (辱骂的) and you may need to just walk away from the situation. But if the problem is one that you want solved, it’s important to allow the other person to salvage some self-esteem (自尊心). There’s nearly always a grain of troth in the other person’s point of view. If you acknowledge this, he or she will be less defensive and more likely to listen to you.
Complainers
Brad is a 32-year-old Detroit chiropractor (按摩脊柱治病的人) who recently described his frustration with a patient of his: "I asked Mr. Barry, How are you doing?’ and he dumps out his whole life story--his family problems and his financial difficulties. I give him advice, but he ignores everything I tell him."
Brad needs to recognize that habitual complainers usually don’t want advice. They just want someone to listen and understand. So Brad might simply say, "Sounds like a rough work. It’s no fun to have unpaid bills, people nagging you, and this pain besides." The complainer will usually run out of gas and stop complaining. The secret is not to give advice. Just agreeing and validating (证实) a person’s point of view will make that person feel better.
Demanding Friends
Difficult people aren’t always angry or just complaining. Sometimes they are difficult because of the demands they place upon you. Maybe a friend puts you on the spot with a request to run an errand for him while he’s out of town. If you have a crowded schedule, you may agree but end up angry and resentful. Or if you say no in the wrong way, your friend may feel hurt and unhappy. The problem is that, caught off guard, you don’t know how to deal with the situation in a way that avoids bad feelings.
One method I’ve found helpful is "punting". You are punting when you tell the person you need to think about the request and that you’ll get back about it. Say a colleague calls and pressures me to give a lecture at his university. I’ve learned to say, "I’m flattered that you thought of me. Let me check my schedule, and I’ll call you back."
This gives me time to deal with any feelings of guilt if I have to say no. Suppose I decide it is better to decline; punting. allows me to plan what I will say when I call back. "I appreciate being asked," I might indicate, "but I find I’m over-committed right now. However, I hope you’ll think of me in the future."
Responding to difficult people with patience and empathy (同感) can be rough, especially when you feel upset. But the moment you give up your need to control or be right, the other person will begin relaxing and start listening to you. The Greek philosopher Epictetus understood this when he said nearly 2,000 years ago, "If someone criticizes you, agree at once. Mention that if only the other person knew you well, there would be more to criticize than that!"
Real communication results from a spirit of respect for yourself and for the other person. The benefits can be amazing.
Even difficult people have some truth in what they say.
选项
A、Y
B、N
C、NG
答案
A
解析
转载请注明原文地址:https://kaotiyun.com/show/OYj7777K
0
大学英语四级
相关试题推荐
MoreandmoreAmericansarereadingtheirowncreditreport.Creditreportsare【B1】______bylenderstodecidehowrriskyitwo
Manypeoplewronglybelievethatwhenpeoplereacholdage,theirfamiliesplacetheminnursinghomes.Theyareleftinthe【C1
Manypeoplewronglybelievethatwhenpeoplereacholdage,theirfamiliesplacetheminnursinghomes.Theyareleftinthe【C1
TheLanguageLearningTheorycourseisanoptionduringthethirdsemesterofyourprogram.Itisanintroductiontoaspectsof
EveryyearmorethanhalfamillionAmericankidshavedrainage(排泄)tubessurgicallyimplantedintheirearstocombatpersisten
A、Theyaretalkingoverthemeal.B、ThemanisEnglish,butthewomanisnot.C、Themanisn’tEnglishbutthewomanis.D、Theya
HongKong’sEnglishnameis【S1】______fromtwoChinesecharacters,HeungandGong,usuallytranslated【S2】______"FragrantHarbor".
Forthosepeoplewhogooutinsearchofadventure,alongdistanceflightinahotairballoonisaparticularlyexcitingprospec
"Home,sweethome"isaphrasethatexpressesallessentialattitudeintheUnitedStates.Whetherthe【S1】______oflifeinthe
"Home,sweethome"isaphrasethatexpressesallessentialattitudeintheUnitedStates.Whetherthe【S1】______oflifeinthe
随机试题
A.髂外淋巴结B.髂总淋巴结C.肠系膜上淋巴结D.贲门淋巴结E.右结肠淋巴结其输出管注入腰淋巴结的是
A、血染片染色B、网织红细胞计数C、骨髓铁染色D、血清铁测定E、骨髓检查评估血红蛋白性贫血最可靠的方法是()
面部危险三角区的部位是
患者,男,68岁。饱餐后出现脐周阵发性腹痛,伴呕吐、腹胀,肛门停止排便排气2天。查体:腹软,脐周有轻度压痛,无反跳痛,肠鸣音亢进,有气过水声。患者2年前曾因化脓性阑尾炎行阑尾切除术,半年来间断性腹部隐痛不适。目前对该患者最重要的处理措施是
2009年沪深市场融资额创出历史新纪录,全年达到4671.5亿元的规模,超出上年1136亿元。其中,有111家公司IPO(首次公开发行股票)合计融资达1790.52亿元,是去年的1.73倍。这使得启动仅半年的A股市场去年IPO融资额仅次于香港,在全球IPO
篮球比赛中,每支球队上场球员为5名。某支篮球队共有12名球员,其中后卫5名(全明星球员1名),前锋5名(全明星球员1名),中锋2名。主教练准备排出双后卫阵型,且要保证全明星球员都要上场,总共有多少种安排方式?
阶级斗争是社会发展的直接动力。()
阅读下列说明、图和Java代码,将应填入(n)处的字句写在答题纸的对应栏内。[说明]已知对某载客车辆(Car)进行类建模,如图6-1所示,其中类Engine表示发动机引擎,类Wheel表示车轮,类Body表示车身,类Driver表示司机,类
Fromwhathasbeendiscussedabove,wemaysafelydrawthe______thatitsdisadvantagesarefargreaterthanitsadvantages.
______beforewedepartthedayaftertomorrow,weshouldhaveawonderfuldinnerparty.
最新回复
(
0
)