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  3. All couples have problems and disagreements，so it’s critical that they learn how tocommunicate about them in a way that will be

All couples have problems and disagreements，so it’s critical that they learn how tocommunicate about them in a way that will be

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问题 All couples have problems and disagreements，so it’s critical that they learn how tocommunicate about them in a way that will be helpful instead of making them worse．I do notbelieve that prescribing specific techniques for communicating is as helpful as focusing on the coreattitudes behind the communication．My thoughts on effectively communicating about ANY difficultissue are in keeping with the ideas I used in the“assertiveness training”I did back in the 70s．
What I learned was that I could tell people the“correct”words to use and“correct”body language．et@C@to be“assertive”--but none of it worked unless it eame from“inside”the person．
In other words，your ability to communicate has more to do with your attitudes and beliefsabout your“right to know”and the degree of“equality”in the relationship，or lack there of and thedegree of“caring”involved between the two people than in whatever actual words or techniquesyou use．All these things are FAR more important than the“skills”．You can“t just”put on theskills like a coat  and have them work．As I said，the words need to come as an outgrowth Of anattitude of genuinely wanting to effectively work on whatever problem is being discusse@D@
Another similarity between learning how to effectively discuss a problem and how people learnto talk in an assertive manner is that even if you say everything“just right”(in accordance with theguidelines for using good communication skills)，there is no guarantee that the other person willreceive it in the way it is intende@D@For instance，with assertiveness，someone could perfectlyexecute an“assertive”conversation and still have it be interpreted as being“aggressive”．
One way of determining the specific words that are more likely to be effective is to think interms of the“ego states”as defined by transactional analysis：“parent,adult,and child”．You’llhave more likelihood of success by approaching the discussion from an“adult”．problem-solvingway of talking．while avoiding using the“judgmental”words of a“parent”or the“hurt feelings”words of a“child”．The bottom line is that you don’t need specific communication skills so muchas you need to approach any conversation with a certain attitude：that the clear goal is to“improvethe relationship“rather than to just”criticize“and／or”change”the other person．With that spirit，you have a better chance of success；without it，all the communication skills in the world won’t beenough．
Good communication skills cannot guarantee the effectiveness of the communicationbecause______．
选项 A、“assertiveness”may sometimes be interpreted as“aggressiveness”
B、it is very difficult to talk in an assertive manner
C、there are no guidelines for using the skills
D、you may say wrong words and make the situation worse
答案A
解析 细节题。问的是“好的沟通技巧为什么不能确保有效的沟通”。本题问原因，根据第三段前果后因地分析，前一句话为“果”，大意为“学习有效地讨论问题与学会用自信的方式谈话之间另一个相似性是，即使你说的每一件事都是‘正确的’(与使用有效的沟通技巧的指南一致)，你也不能确保对方会按照你的初衷接受你的谈话”；后一句话为“因”．意思是“‘肯定’有时会被理解为‘强制”’。由此可见，选项A与原文一致。其他三个选项则脱离了原文。
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