Conversational Skills 1. Skill to ask questions a)Be aware of the human nature: readiness to answer others’ questions r

Conversational Skills
   Good morning. Today’s lecture will focus on how to make people feel at ease in conversations. Here are some of the skills that good talkers have.
   First of all, good talkers ask questions. Almost anyone, no matter how shy, will answer a question. In fact, according to my observation, very shy persons are more concerned that someone will think them impolite if they don’t respond to the questions. So most skillful conversationalists recommend starting with a question that is personal, but not harmful. Moreover, how your responder answers will let you know how far you can go. A few simple catchwords like "Really?" "Yes?" are clear invitations to continue talking.
   Second, once good talkers have asked questions, they listen for answers. There are at least three components of real listening. For one thing, real listening means not changing the subject. If someone sticks to the topic, you can assume that he or she is really interested in it. Another component of real listening is listening not to just words but to tones of voice. I once mentioned D. H. Lawrence to a friend. To my astonishment, she launched into an academic discussion of the imagery in Lawrence’s works. Midway through, I listened to her voice. It was, to put it mildly, unanimated, and it seemed obvious that the imagery monologue was intended solely for my benefit, and I quickly changed the subject. At last, real listening means using your eyes as well as your ears. Simply looking attentive will make most people think that you think they’re fascinating.
   Next, good talkers are not afraid to laugh. Laughter is not only warming and friendly, it’s also a good way to ease other people’s discomfort. I have a friend who I enjoy watching in gathering of other people who do not know each other well. The first few minutes of talk are a bit uneasy and hesitant, for the people involved do not yet have a sense of each other. Invariably, a light comment or joke is made, and my friend’s easy laughter appears like sunshine in the conversation. There is always then a visible softening that takes place. Other people smile, and loosen in response to her laughter, and the conversation goes on with more warmth and ease.
   Finally, good talkers are ones who cement a parting, that is, they know how to make use of parting as a way to leave a deep impression on others. Last impressions are just as important as first impressions in determining how a new acquaintance will remember you. If you’re saying goodbye, you might want to give him or her a second extra hand squeeze. It’s a way to say, I really enjoyed meeting you. But it’s not all done with body language. If you’ve enjoyed being with someone, if you want to see that person again, don’t keep it a secret. Let people know how you feel, and they may walk away feeling as if they’ve known you half their life.
   Okay today we’ve talked about four ways to make people feel at ease in conversations. These skills are important in keeping conversations going, and in forming friendships later on.