在人际关系问题上我们不要太浪漫主义。人是很有趣的,往往在接触一个人时首先看到的都是他或她的优点。这一点颇像是在餐馆里用餐的经验。开始吃头盘或冷碟的时候,印象很好。吃头两个主菜时,也是赞不绝口。愈吃愈趋于冷静,吃完了这顿宴席,缺点就都找出来了。于是转喜为怒,

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问题    在人际关系问题上我们不要太浪漫主义。人是很有趣的,往往在接触一个人时首先看到的都是他或她的优点。这一点颇像是在餐馆里用餐的经验。开始吃头盘或冷碟的时候,印象很好。吃头两个主菜时,也是赞不绝口。愈吃愈趋于冷静,吃完了这顿宴席,缺点就都找出来了。于是转喜为怒,转赞美为责备挑剔,转首肯为摇头。这是因为:第一,开始吃的时候你正处于饥饿状态,而饿了吃糠甜如蜜,饱了吃蜜也不甜。第二,你初到一个餐馆,开始举筷时有新鲜感,新盖的茅房三天香,这也可以叫做“陌生化效应”吧。

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答案 We should not be too romantic about the matter of personal relations. Humans are very interesting in that when they meet for the first time, men or women, they will first see each other’s merits. This is quite like our dining experience in a restaurant. The taste of the first or the cold dish would impress diners who would still be profuse in praise when they eat the first two entrees. But as they become increasingly analytical during the course of the feast, diners would find all the flaws with the dishes by the time they finish. Then delight turns to anger, praise, reproach or particularity, and nodding, head shaking. One explanation for this is that diners are just in a state of hunger. A hungry person could find husk of grain sweet as if it were added with honey, whereas a full person might complain that even honey is not sweet enough.

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