A、The couple have to comprise to each other. B、The structure of marriage is tied into a kinship structure. C、It’s a relationship

INTERVIEWER: Mr. Schwartz, based on your experience as a therapist, what are the most frequent problems people come to you with?
INTERVIEWEE: Well, the people I see come mainly because of personal unhappiness. Several people are going through divorce, and you know how difficult that is, especially if there are children. And I also am impressed with how many people are dissatisfied with their jobs.
INTERVIEWER: What is the conflict within the marriage relationship? And do most people who come to see you with these problems end up in divorce, or do some of them reconcile?
INTERVIEWEE: More often they don’t. I think of three people who I have seen recently and are going through divorce. All of them married because they needed something at the time and this was available, but they found that there were big compromises that they were not prepared to make.  All three of these are women, and they arc the ones who initiated tile divorce. But before you can explain the high divorce rate, you have to question the nature of marriage.
INTERVIEWER: And what is the nature of marriage in this country?
INTERVIEWEE: First of all, if people feel things are not working out well, they arc going to get out of it while they still have some time; they feel they have a right to that, a right to some kind of personal happiness and personal fulfillment. That is taken for granted now. The structure of marriage is not tied into a kinship structure. It’s not a relationship between two families. It’s two people who are largely on their own, and who are expecting a great deal from each other. Success in combining both a career and a marriage requires changing a lot of the notions both men and women have had about their roles. A lot of women cannot handle the stresses and strains of trying to do both at the same time. This reflects the tremendous emphasis on achievement, at least among middle-and upper-middle-class Americans.
INTERVIEWER: Nowadays many professional women are having children later, so they can launch their careers first and so they can better afford to raise a child.
INTERVIEWEE: Right. In addition, the practice of substituting friends for family is much stronger here than in other countries.  We often have. a best friend to whom we are closer than a sister or brother.
INTERVIEWER: Yes, probably because we spend more time with friends than with family. Yet, many international visitors have said they find friendships in this country superficial.
INTERVIEWEE: I think they see friendships from the perspective of how we talk about them. We say, "Oh yes, he or she is a friend of mine, "and who we see only once in a while. I don’t know how much opportunity they have to observe the deep friendships that people do have here.  I think that people here have very close friends. These are very meaningful relationships and they are important to Americans, although I’m not sure whether there is a difference between men and women in this respect.
INTERVIEWER: In my mind there is a difference.
INTERVIEWEE: I think there is. I think that friendships between men are more difficult in this country, and I think it has to do with how boys are reared to be very competitive and to feel that every male is somehow a competitor. Males in this culture are not brought up to talk about how they feel or to show vulnerability to friends, or to go to people for support or help.  They differ from women in those respects.