这几天心里颇不宁静。今晚在院子里坐着乘凉,忽然想起日日走过的荷塘,在这满月的光里,总该另有一番样子吧。月亮渐渐地升高了,墙外马路上孩子们的欢笑,已经听不见了;妻在屋里拍着闰儿,迷迷糊糊地哼着眠歌。我悄悄地披了大衫,带上门出去。 沿着荷塘,是一条曲折

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问题     这几天心里颇不宁静。今晚在院子里坐着乘凉,忽然想起日日走过的荷塘,在这满月的光里,总该另有一番样子吧。月亮渐渐地升高了,墙外马路上孩子们的欢笑,已经听不见了;妻在屋里拍着闰儿,迷迷糊糊地哼着眠歌。我悄悄地披了大衫,带上门出去。
    沿着荷塘,是一条曲折的小煤屑路。这是一条幽僻的路;白天也少人走,夜晚更加寂寞。荷塘四面,长着许多树,蓊蓊郁郁的。路的一旁,是些杨柳,和一些不知道名字的树。没有月光的晚上,这路上阴森森的,有些怕人。今晚却很好,虽然月光也还是淡淡的。

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答案 The last few days had found me very restless. This evening as I sat in the yard to enjoy the cool, I suddenly thought of the lotus pond I pass by every day: on such a fully-moonlit night, it must assume a different outlook. The moon was sailing higher and higher up the heavens, the sound of childish laughter had died away from the lane beyond our wall, and my wife was in the house patting Run’er and humming a lullaby to him. And quite quietly, I put on my long gown, left the door on the latch and made my way towards the pond. A cinder-path winds along by the side of the pool. It is off the beaten track and few pass this way even by day, so at night it is still more quiet. Trees grow thick and bosky all around the pool, with willows and other trees I cannot name by the path. On nights when there is no moon the track is almost terrifyingly dark, but tonight it was quite clear, though the moonlight was pale.

解析     本篇节选自朱自清的《荷塘月色》,该文文中有画,画中有情,情景交融,文采炳焕,自然贴切,让人陶醉,令人心旷神怡。译者要译好这篇优秀的散文,除了要具备扎实的英汉两种语言的基本功之外,还要从原文作者内心出发,把握作者感情走向,采用“走内线”方式,才有可能创造“神来之笔”。
这几天心里颇不宁静:  “颇不宁静”,一个“颇”字,真是一字千钧,作者当时沉闷、压抑、彷徨、烦躁,心乱如麻。可译为“restless”,“uneasy”,“upset”等。
忽然想起……总该另有一番样子吧:这里,作者对于荷塘产生了一种期待,希望它与“日日走过”的荷塘有些不同。作者准备借助“月光”移情。该句可以考虑分译,两个部分用冒号隔开,冒号后面借助情态动词“must”来表示作者对月色下的荷塘景色的推断和期盼:  “I suddenly thought of the lotus pond I pass by every day:on such a fully—moonlit night,it must assume a different outlook.”。
我悄悄地披了大衫,带上门出去:由于第二段第一句是“沿着荷塘,是一条曲折的小煤屑路。”如果亦步亦趋地翻译,会造成无法同第二段开头衔接起来。出于这样的考虑,译为“And quite quietly,I put on my long gown,left the door on the latch and made my way towards the pond.”。
白天也少人走:译为“It is off the beaten track.”,原汁原味,很好地再现了当时的场景。
荷塘四面,长着许多树,蓊蓊郁郁的:《荷塘月色》成为旷世之作,还因为文章大量使用叠音词,取得良好的音响效果,此处的“蓊蓊郁郁”便是一例。译为英语时,可以考虑使用两个同义词:  “Trees grow thick and bosky all around the pool.”。
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